Monthly Meander March '25: Eyes on the horizon, eyes on the path

On trying to set a course for the long term, without missing the moments that matter right now.

Thanks so much for joining me on this meandering tour through my life and work in the month just gone, as I document a time of personal & professional reimagining. If you enjoy my writing, do feel free to leave a comment. And of course I'd love it if you'd consider subscribing to get all my posts delivered straight to your inbox or the Substack app 😊

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I discovered a new proverb recently. Probably you already know it as I do have a way of excitedly discovering things that to me are all shiny and new… but turn out to be thoroughly old hat to everyone else.¹ But anyway, this is it:

March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb.

It's a meteorological saying apparently - predicting that a stormy start to the month should herald calmer weather come the end of the month.

But it struck me as a pretty good metaphor for my feelings these past few weeks too.

I began March carrying some frustrations with me from February, when various things didn't work out as I'd hoped. And there have definitely been a few storm clouds to contend with personally too.

I've had several repeat visits from the migraine fairy, which have not been welcome, whilst my youngest has been more than usually volatile lately, flying off the handle and flooded with huge feelings one minute, before literally falling asleep on the carpet when the tornado of feelings has blown through. And my autistic boy has been having some difficult days too - I think prompted by the looming shadow of the SATs, which they’re focusing on relentlessly at school.

It’s… a lot. And I’ve not always handled things as I would wish (and more so with my daughter than my son). Though I’ve been trying to see those times as good opportunities to model 'rupture and repair' with her and work towards us both handling it better the next time.

And yet and yet... something has been shifting - in nature and in me.

A change of seasons is well underway now and as I type this, outside the sun is shining and the sky is a brilliant blue and inside, the room feels airy, quiet and peaceful. I know it won't stay that way for long, since we're just at the start of two and half weeks of school holidays over the Easter break.

But right now I want to just experience this moment and the calm there is in it.

Mindfulness can feel like such a buzzword I know, but I've really been trying to think about life as a series of moments lately - and as much as possible to sit in and notice those moments and not just rush through them.

There have been some bigger 'moments' that I guess are more like milestones I want to observe and remember in amongst the ongoing onwards rush of life - my daughter turning 5 and my mum turning 70 (on the same day!) but also my daughter's best friend moving away from Brighton, a sad transition for her but one which we managed to fill with lots of joy in the run up, with play dates, a leaving party and lots and lots of love and cuddles on their very last day at school together.

Best friends forever ❤️🧡💛💚💙

I've also been making a point of stopping to take mental snapshots of the world around me. I've been taking lots of actual snapshots too, especially of nature, some of which I've been sharing over on Substack Notes (the easiest way to check in with me there on the regular is by downloading the app).

It takes mere seconds to just pause and look - but it's surprising how much zooming in on small concrete details really does feel grounding.

And I need this right now.

As I've written about before, I've generally been feeling pretty unmoored, professionally at least, over the last two or three years. For so long I had one big goal - completing and releasing my feature film - and whatever else I was doing I was always working my way towards it. I had a very clear sense of 'WHY'.

But of course that was, ultimately, finite. One day, the film was finally finished and I sent it out into the big, wide world to live its own life beyond and separate from me.

Even as I was on that long journey, I knew that reaching my goal would present a new set of challenges - I remember saying often, 'who will I be when I'm not making this film anymore?'

And I still don't fully know the answer to that question.

This blog, newsletter, online community - whatever exactly we want to call it - is part of it for sure. And I'm becoming ever clearer in my own mind about what value I can offer to folks through this platform.

I've been doing a lot of work behind the scenes getting ready to refresh and improve what I'm doing here - very much taking one small step after another along the path immediately in front of me.

What I still haven't entirely figured out though is where exactly that path is taking me over the long term - what’s the destination over that distant horizon I’m walking towards?

It's a new feeling for me. Going back even further before I’d begun my long quest to make my feature film, I had another very clear and firm goal - breaking into and making it in the world of factual TV. I achieved that one too - though it didn’t end up working out exactly how I’d imagined.²

Operating without that firm guide and anchor often leaves me feeling a bit free-floating and unsure of myself, though there's also a kind of liberation in it.

And whenever I start getting too existential about stuff, I can always come back to those 'moments' - cos it's all just moments in the end.

Moments I stopped to notice this month

WORK WINS THIS MONTH

1. Prepping for my live online event, Living through the End: Nuclear War in 1980s TV & Movies

After months of discussion and planning, I’m SO excited that the online event I conceived of as a way of going deeper into the legendarily bleak and terrifying 1980s nuclear war film Threads, which I wrote about for its 40th anniversary last year, has evolved into this wonderful collaboration with colleagues on both sides of the Atlantic, happening on Earth Day - Tuesday 22nd April.

I've rewatched the three films we'll be discussing (Threads, The Day After and Testament), planned out themes and clips for the discussion, made a jazzy flyer and promoted the event as widely as I can. I'd love you to join us.

Note - registration isn't essential (the Zoom link is on the Eventbrite page if you just want to click through on the day) but it helps us have a sense of numbers and if you register you'll get sent a link to a recording afterwards (so especially good for anyone not on a US or European timezone).

2. Design & branding work for Substack relaunch

Branding isn't something I've ever really spent any time on before (as you might be able to tell from my rather homespun squiggly-line-on-some-pebbles for my current publication logo😄).

But with the help of some wonderful Substack gurus - in particular

Claire Venus ✨

and

Lauren Barber

with

Sparkle on Substack

and

Keeley Rees

and

Sara

with

The Substack Soirée

I've really dived into it, getting deep and meaningful about the values and feelings I want my online space on Substack to embody, as well as getting to play in the sandpit with colours, shapes and fonts as I've been working on a new look to accompany the new name.

All will be revealed soon I promise!

3. Still talking screenings for The Atom: A Love Affair

It's coming up on 5 years since my film had its (digital-thanks-to-Covid) cinema premiere. So I'm genuinely chuffed that it's still generating interest. This past month I had three new enquiries come in and also followed up with several university contacts I'd talked to last year who'd said they might be interested in showing it later on in this academic year.

Plus the film is going to be the topic for the next meeting of the always-excellent ‘Art in the Nuclear Age’ discussion group - woop! This is a real honour for me as it's generally attended by an array of super-smart artists and thinkers doing their own fascinating nuclear-related work. It's really accessible and friendy though and open to all - so if you've seen my film and want to come along to chat about it then please do. It's on Monday 5th May at 7pm UK time.

4. Podcast recording for

The Oscar Project

I didn't end up posting as much as I'd intended this past month what with all of the above going on, but I did manage to record another great chat with the inimitable

Jonathan Ytreberg

whose new season, covering the 2nd annual Academy Awards from 1930, has just kicked off. We chatted about Our Dancing Daughters, the 1928 silent movie that made Joan Crawford a star and had a thoroughly good time doing so - just like Joan does in the movie in fact 🤩

You should definitely subscribe to Jonathan's stack - he does loads of great stuff on current movies too including lots of interviews with filmmakers - and somehow he manages all that on top of an actual proper job! Hats off to you Jonathan! Our podcast episode together will be dropping later on this month.

And there, my friends, I shall leave it for now.

In the spirit of experimentation and doing stuff without the scaffolding of a fully-worked out plan, I’ve decided to try splitting off my round up of good things I’ve read, watched & listened to, plus other cultural things on my radar, into a separate post, to save you from ploughing through one enormously long single post. I’ll probably send that one out in a day or two.

In the meantime I’d love to know:

1. Do you work best with a big hairy goal or are you more loosey goosey with your plans and ambitions (and if you are, what’s your secret!)?

2. What ‘moments’ stood out for you in March?

3. Have you ever seen Joan Crawford doing the Charleston?

OK, that last one is kind of a trick one as I’m not expecting many of you have (though PLEASE tell me if you’re the exception!). So here’s a little snippet - remixed with a rather more modern soundtrack 🤣 If this doesn’t make you beam a happy smile, I honestly don’t know what will…

I’ll be back again soon with my little cultural tasting menu for you but till then, I’m sending love and gratitude your way as always.

Vicki x

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Watch my film on Netflix & Disney+ (UK/Europe only) or Vimeo-on-demand - or see trailer, reviews & bonus content HERE

Find me on Bluesky & at LinkedIn

1. There's an excellent British magazine called Delayed Gratification that reports in depth on news events from 3 months before its publication - they call it slow journalism. I'm a bit like that in human form.

2. I’ve got a bucketful of tales from my telly years up my sleeve and starting to share some of those is definitely one of the things on my agenda for the coming months.