Weekly Meander #27: The snow globe briefly settles

Plus, educational inequality & catchment controversy

Thanks for joining me on this weekly meander through my week just gone as I navigate a time of personal and professional reimagining. If you’re new here, do check out this post for a bit more about me. TLDR: I'm a documentary filmmaker coming to the end of distributing my debut feature doc - about the history of nuclear power - and currently exploring/expanding into the next steps of my working adventures, whilst also navigating parenting (including a newly received autism diagnosis) & perimenopause. Some balls may be dropped! If you enjoy my writing, do feel free to leave a comment. And of course I'd love it if you'd consider subscribing to get all my posts delivered straight to your inbox or the Substack app.

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Hi friends,

I've snuck away after hours of intermittent sibling bust-ups from being cooped up inside all day (thanks Storm Andrew!) to grab a precious window of peace and reflect on another week that feels like it surely lasted longer than its standard-issue 7 days.

It's been a curious old week, this – a mixture of clarity and pride but also confusion and consternation.

On the work front, after actually knuckling down last week to do some proper thinking and planning for what's left of 2025, I've finally started to feel like I have a clearer sense of my path forward.

At the most basic and literal level, I've mapped out the work items I want to get done before the year is out (whilst trying to keep in mind that things always take longer than you hope – and that life isn't going to stop tossing out its various obstacles for me to hurdle over, my menopausal mum vest firmly in place).

But on a larger scale too, I'm starting to have a better sense of which of the many, many ideas that have been hurtling around in my head like the gold and silver tokens flying around the dome at the end of the Crystal Maze¹ I actually want/have the capacity to pursue, at least in the near term. Some things – things I feel a real pull to do but also know just aren't right for me right now – have been tucked away for sake keeping. Other things have risen higher up the list.

I've definitely been on a real journey with this – going from having just one very clear and over-riding path to walk down in making and releasing my grand-opus nuclear history film, to facing instead this endless stretch of clear blue water ahead, with the possibility of pursuing any number of different ventures. It's been a significant change and not always an easy one. But I feel like I'm getting there.

The little house in the snow globe of my brain is definitely emerging from beneath the whirling snowflakes (Image / Victoria Borodinova)

I'm also edging ever closer to the moment when all the debts accrued from making the film will finally be paid off. The first major costs I put on credit cards were all the way back in 2013, to pay for some of the three week filming trip I did across the US. Months after that I gave birth to my son and entered into a world of childcare costs that I only finally left when my daughter started school around 6 weeks ago, a full 11 years later.

I plan to write a more detailed post about the exact numbers involved in the film, but for now, suffice to say that the imminent ending of the pressure to cover these ongoing costs² truly feels like the sun peaking out from behind the clouds, with the promise of clear skies ahead.

I don't have any illusions that this sense of calm is here to stay. But it's been a nice backdrop to this week so I've tried to make the most of it while I can.

And honestly, it's been a blessing not to be second guessing myself too much at work for once, since I can't exactly say the same on the parenting front…

The week started with a fair amount of worry as our son, fresh from his recent autism diagnosis, headed off on his Year 6 residential trip.

He'd been having a lot of trouble sleeping in the run up and was clearly very anxious about being away from home, in an unfamiliar place, seeing his school friends in a completely different context and having a whole array of new activities to contend with, from abseiling and rifle shooting to orienteering and a blindfolded 'sensory trail' through the forest (and a *lot* of puddles by all accounts – their first day there it pretty much poured with rain all day).

I'm very glad to say then, that in spite of all the worries, it passed off very well, with support and a few adjustments from his teachers who I'd talked to ahead of time about some of the aspects he might find most difficult. We were so, so proud of him. And very happy to have him home – even though the volume levels he and his little sister put out between them drive me doolally at times, it did feel very strange and quiet without him around.

Yet all that feels age ago now since, all the the while, the clock has also been ticking on his secondary school application, the deadline for which closes in about 10 days time. This has taken on an extra dimension for us now that we have a confirmed autism diagnosis – the special educational needs & disability (SEND) provision is crucial but it seems very hard to get a handle on how good the support really is in the different schools as they all, of course, paint a rosy picture, but then first hand reports from parents are so divergent, with some really positive stories being shared but equally other absolute nightmare experiences that would make you run a mile.

And the uncertainty is being compounded by the hard facts of Brighton & Hove's educational landscape at secondary level, which is currently the subject of an 'engagement exercise', pending a full consultation to reduce the PAN or Published Admission Number (ie the maximum number of pupils a school can take each year) and, more controversially to some, to redraw the catchment areas.

This is being done partly because the number of children is decreasing as more families are priced out by the high cost of living, and housing. This has had an impact already at primary level - two schools have just been closed with several others losing classes to remove excess places. And the issue is now starting to feed through at secondary level too.

But even more importantly, it's needed because the level of educational inequality in our city is shockingly high.

It’s a deep rooted story – and it's told brilliantly in this excellent podcast series made by and focusing on residents of Whitehawk, a large council estate in East Brighton that ranks in the top ten percent most deprived areas in England

If this is a subject that interests you at all I'd urge you to give the whole series a listen (and check out the

The Brighton Connectiv

and the Brighton Paradox podcast too). But long story short, if you look at a map of secondary schools across the city you’ll see there’s a huge gap on the east of the city, where we live. This is because the local school in Whitehawk was closed about 20 years ago and never replaced, meaning all kids in East Brighton face a long 3 mile+ journey to get to any secondary school.

Add to this the fact that we have a couple of big private schools on this side of the city (Brighton College & Roedean) meaning a lot of the affluent parents have opted out of the state system altogether; and that the remaining two state schools east of the city centre have had bad Ofsted reports and a lot of negative reputation to contend with – and you end up with the situation we have now ie the poorest children disproportionately clustered together in these schools and the parents at the two popular schools in the centre (which are bafflingly right next door to one another, making the lack of a school near us even more frustrating) up in arms at the prospect of their kids having to attend them if catchment lines are redrawn.

I've spent far too long this week down internet rabbit holes reading about the state of secondary SEN provision and scrolling through disheartening Facebook comments about the proposed catchment consultation that reveal Brighton to be arguably a far less tolerant and inclusive city than it likes to think itself. And in the midst of all this, we have to make the right choice for our boy.

I'm an optimist and am hopeful he'll do well wherever he goes – we’ll certainly do everything in our power to support and advocate for him. But really, should it all be this hard? At least once the application is in we can forget about it for a few months…

WORK WINS THIS WEEK

1. Completed the last class in my Boost Your Documentary Productions with AI course

In this final session, the instructor brought together everything we'd learnt in the previous classes, using the chat, video and audio tools to create a short documentary together in real time. There's so much for me to synthesise from these four weeks and I'm looking forward to playing around with the tools myself to put the learning into practice. There's one idea in particular around my nuclear film I'm excited (and slightly scared!) to try and I'll share that with you here once I have done.

2. Confirmed rescheduled screening of 'The Atom: A Love Affair' in Cambridge

I was a little deflated earlier this year when a screening at my alma mater, Murray Edwards college (or New Hall as it was when I was there in the 90s) ended up having to be postponed. But happily the suggested reschedule is ON! So expect a full report from that in a future meander.

And if you are in Cambridge, or know anyone else who is (

Ann Kennedy Smith

?) do come along, it would be wonderful to see you there! Tickets are free – booking at https://www.murrayedwards.cam.ac.uk/film-screening/film-screening-atom-love-affair

3. First meeting with a brilliant Cambridge academic to discuss planned online event to discuss Threads

As mentioned last week, this year is the 40^th anniversary of the original landmark showing of the BBC's profoundly shocking nuclear war docudrama Threads. I'm working on a longer piece about it which I'll publish on Substack later this week.

But I'm also planning to organise an online discussion event to bring other people together to share clips and delve into the film more deeply, looking both at what it tells us about the Britain of the 1980s in which it was made and what we can take from it 40 years on in 2024. And I have a fantastic collaborator in this endeavour, with whom I had a great first planning chat this week. I'll keep the full details under my hat for now but more will be revealed soon I promise.

4. Completed a long-running Substack writing challenge

Finally, drumroll please!

Yes I've got one last special work win to record this week and it's one that will be of chief interest to the Substackers amongst you. But it's a milestone and these are to be celebrated, right? Right!

So I'm giving myself a big high five and fist bump as I have now successfully completed the

Sparkle on Substack

24 essays club challenge!

Yes, I did it – this is post 24. It's taken me just over 6 months to get there – my first post in the challenge was this one all the way back on 7^th April:

Coincidentally I had just hit another milestone on Substack that week too - my first 50 subscribers! Hello if you were one of those early adopters – we've come a long way together eh. Here's to so much more yet to come. And thanks to all of you for being here and for reading my meandering missives. Do pop into the comments with any stray thoughts, observations and encouragement - it always makes my day to hear from you.

Till next week, take it easy and watch your footing (it can get slippy this time of year!)

Vicki x

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Watch my film on Netflix (in Europe) or Vimeo (everywhere else) - or see trailer, reviews & bonus content HERE

Find me on X /Twitter & at LinkedIn

Life stories website – coming soon...

1. It's my fervent hope that you're already familiar with the iconic TV adventure game show presented most famously by the two Richards, O'Brien and Ayoade, but just in case you're not (and if so, I'm sorry – and consider this my gift to you), here's what I'm talking about

2. Which I have consistently done but which has also meant that almost all the money I've made from the film and the few other bits of paid work I've had since it was released in 2020, has just come in and gone straight back out again, leaving me effectively earning nothing.