My Women: a salute across the decades

IWD – Daisy Chain Flower Crown

I've not been writing here on Substack long, but already it feels like such a warm and embracing space, where writers of all kinds are holding each other up and championing and celebrating one another.

And what better example of that than the beautiful invitation from

Claire Venus

Lauren Barber

Lyndsay Kaldor

et al, to help co-create a daisy chain of posts into a virtual flower crown, to celebrate this year's International Women's Day.

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

One of the suggestions was to write about the most transformative female relationship in my life so far. But I felt I simply couldn’t single out just one.

So here instead is a roll call of 'my women' in each decade I've been on this earth. It's a way of acknowledging & paying tribute to the many female ties that have girded me through the years, from infancy to the cusp of menopause, in all the different phases and facets of my life.

I'm using first names wherever I can. But sometimes a Miss or a Mrs is all I have.

Of course there will be many names I don't mention – maybe I've forgotten (with perimenopause brain this is highly likely!), maybe I never knew your name or maybe there's a good reason not to use it here.

But to all the women who've shaped my life, I thank you and I celebrate you.

Happy International Women's Day!

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1970s

Gram, Mum, me…1970s vintage

Leigh, Diana, Violet, Rosalind, Pattie – my blood women, the one who birthed me, the ones who held me as a tiny newborn, who showed me what family was as I blinked into the light

Heather – my playschool partner in crime, I remember almost nothing of you but your name, but that's still there deep down – and an image of you hugging me when I fell off the climbing frame

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1980s

Photo by gabriel xu on Unsplash

Shivanti, Clare, Lynne, Elizabeth, Joanne, Nicola, Elaine, Sarah, Claire – the bonny little girls in green checked dresses doing country dancing in the school hall and picking buttercups in the shadow of the school field’s mighty willow tree

Mrs Watkins, Mrs Cox, Mrs Ismay, Miss Buck, Mrs Arnold, Miss Norma, Miss Vicki, Miss Janet – the teachers, in and out of school, who taught me to understand the world around me, to sing, to dance and to play

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1990s

Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash

Philippa, Nancy, Ellen, Lucilla, Sara, Melissa, Anna, Nicola, Julia, Rebecca – my teen warrior queens who journeyed alongside me through the darkest nights and glorious, evanescent days of adolescence, through periods, exams, boys, insecurity, anxiety, family separation and loss, nail varnish, flannel shirts, Camden Market, Tower Records, Archers and lemonade, purple hair dye, 10p to let the payphone ring three times so our parents knew we were safe, thinking we would live forever

Miss Miller, Ms Peacock, Mrs Coleman, Mrs Spiers, Mme Oldale, Mrs Watts, Mrs Edwards, Miss Clayden – my high school teachers, who encouraged me to think, to question, to love knowledge and to believe that nothing should be out of my reach merely because of my gender

Sophie, Sarah, Joanne, Johanna, Josephine, Yvette, Philippa, Angela, Samantha – my dance tribe, doing arabesques, high kicks and time-steps in our shiny lycra catsuits and ankle warmers, comparing our plastic dance pants and luridly-coloured shell suits, feeling the pressure to be taller, skinnier, more dazzling

Janet, Kathryn, Helen – pretend mum, pretend sisters, but nothing pretend about them, the most unselfish, loving and open hearts who took me into their home and their family as if I was their own and showed me new ways to care and be cared for

Sas, Emma, Nancy, Rosy, Heather, Louise, Becky, Indy, Anna, Amy, Lucy, Jane, Anna – my college sweethearts, fierce young women who made those three university years some of the best of my life, late nights, red wine, formal halls, falling off bicycles, breathing in novels and poetry, tagging along with the neuroscience gang, making my first films, becoming myself

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2000s

Photo by Anna Keibalo on Unsplash

Alice, Janet, Sue, Zoe, Jackie, Ella, Camilla, Gemma, Sacha, Naomi – aunts, cousins, in-laws, my family expanding, old relationships deepening, new ones coming into bloom

Amanda, Nancy, Anna, Heather, Hayley, Stephe – flatmates, friends to come home to and watch Hollyoaks and Big Brother in our pyjamas with, to to suffer through hangovers with, to run out of milk in the fridge with, to agonise about my love life with, to grow up with

Torla – downstairs neighbour, kindred spirit

Bev, Ebony, Amanda, Sally, Jackie, Veronica, Shona, Hannah, Sue, Paula, Kate, Danni, Maureen, Susana, Eliza, Ife, Camilla, Chloe, Katie, Maria, Angela – my documentary aunts & sisters, the ones who showed me the way and the ones who were learning alongside me in the Wild West of noughties TV, developing, researching, directing, editing, working hard, getting on – just maybe not as easily or as quickly as my documentary uncles and brothers...

Bev – therapist, listener, bearer of insight, space holder for uncomfortable truths and new behaviours, bracing, transformational

Rach, Nellie, Julie, Naomi, Pat, Joolz, Kate, Kirstin, Rachael, Emily, Cat, Veronica, Laura, Rachael, Lucy, Abby, Christine, Anuja – comrades on street stalls, marches, blockades, stunts, direct actions - activists, change-makers, soul friends

Amy – we met in a field, you read my palm, you painted me a rainbow

Jancis, Helen, Nadia, Svetlana, Roopam, Toni – I fell in love with a man, and then I fell in love with all his life women too

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2010s

Photo by Haydn Golden on Unsplash

Estelle, Alana, Sheila, Kelly, Cath, Kuldeep – my neighbours in a new and unfamiliar city who made me feel so welcome in our beautiful little cul-de-sac atop the hill

Susanne, Steph, Cat, Anna, Mareike - Brighton comrades, fighting to make the world a better place, deep conversations, deep connections

Steph, Sinta, Roxy, Louisa, Sarah, Hannah, Sair, Laura, Anna, Debbie, Hayley, Vicky, Salli, Lucy, Jenny, Hollie, Lucy, Anita, Anupama, Georgia, Sue, Farzana – the mamma bears, there through it all, leaky boobs, sleepless nights, soft play, bumped knees, scary temperatures, blowing bubbles, jumping in at the deep end, first day at nursery, first day at school, playdates, emergency childcare, coffee, cake, so much laughter

Sandra, Hannah, Karen, Lara, Lauren, Nicola, Amy Jo, Julia, Becky, Katja, Stephanie, Lauren, Susanne, Ji-Sook – my documentary dream girls, I'd never have made it to the finish line without you

Jen, Michal, Maria – when friends of friends become just friends

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2020s

Messy Play

Lucy, Lou, Amy – the DocMums, peer support in our confusing, challenging, rewarding world of doing documentary whilst bringing up other humans, honesty, vulnerability, mutual strength

Philippa, Skye, Fran, Melody – new friends, new stories to be shared, new adventures to be had

Liz, Wendy, Claire, Maxine, Alison, Alessia, Lily, Denise - the caregivers, in this decade and the last, who looked after my real babies to give me the space and support I needed to birth my 'film baby' into the world too

Rosa – my heart outside my body, woman of tomorrow, your women awaiting as you embark on your own journey into the future

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What a treasure it is holding these female spirits, past and present, all together in my thoughts. And who knows what amazing women will yet be in my future. I have a feeling some of you might even be reading this now. I’ll go put the kettle on…

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