Monthly Meander April '25: Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow
A dizzying dance through the pace changes of school hols, a hospital scare & some satisfying work culminations
Thanks so much for joining me on this meandering tour through my life and work in the month just gone, as I document a time of personal & professional reimagining. If you enjoy my writing, do feel free to leave a comment. And of course I'd love it if you'd consider subscribing to get all my posts delivered straight to your inbox or the Substack app 😊
Hello friends,
And an especially warm welcome to all my new subscribers who've found their way here via my last post about the unvarnished numbers behind my film.
I'm so pleased you've joined us!
I've also realised the welcome email you will have received is very out of date. Sorry about that, but hopefully you got the gist. And if you want a more up to date overview of what my scribblings in this newsletter will be covering, you can always nip over to vickilesley.substack.com/about.
So, where were we? Well, this is my first monthly meander post since 'Meandering over the pebbles' slipped quietly into the changing room, a la Mr Benn1, and came out wearing an all new, 'Documental' outfit. And I know I'm pushing the boundaries even of 'fashionably late' for a post about April, given quite how far into May we are.
Then again, time is just a construct, etc.
It's certainly been keeping me on my toes these past few weeks, seeming to grind to a halt at times and spin by on fast forward at others.
The way we perceive and experience time is something I've long been fascinated by and especially so since becoming a parent. I read the Radio 4 journalist Claudia Hammond's book Time Warped when my son was very little and am a big fan of the work of
Vanderkam, author of several books on how to make our time feel less harried and more enjoyable.These past few weeks feel like a text book study for the insights I've gleaned from my exploration into the sometimes disorienting nature of time, as we live through it.
For most of the first two thirds of the month, the kids were off school for Easter. Being the parent without a proper 9-5 job, the additional childcare school holidays require always falls to me. So my usual work routines, such as they are, go out the window. My son is autistic and going through a stressful time at school in the run up to the Year 6 SATS tests. So I was careful not to schedule too much to allow him to decompress as much as possible.
We did have a few tentpoles in there - a family visit with my sister-in-law and her baby; a low key playdate with friends we've known since the kids were newborns; the cinema; and afternoon tea with the Easter Bunny (at the local garden centre!) But most of it just felt like an amorphous expanse of 'fuzzy' time.
Without the sharp lines of our regular routine, we drifted into days of getting up late and staying in our pyjamas for far too long. The kids built Lego, drew endless pictures at 'drawing club' and watched a lot of Bluey and a lot of snooker! I did an Agatha Christie jigsaw.
It was relaxing in its way but boy, did it drag on. There were several days when none of us could remember exactly what day it was and how many days it had been since the end of term or until school started up again.
There was too much time. Until...BANG!
We hit the last week of April and everything went crazy.
I had a long-planned work event. The next day it was back to school. My partner was away with work. An engineer come to install a new, high-speed internet line to the house. I grabbed a coffee with
, briefly back in Brighton with his new book. My daughter had aikido and her first multi-sports after-school club. My partner was away with work again.My daughter was running a high temperature, so I kept her home from school. I attended a webinar about a Nuclear-free Middle East. My daughter's temperature was still high. I was busting a gut to get ready to re-brand this newsletter. Her temperature was still high. I was re-drafting and refining the most exposing piece of writing I've ever written and working up the courage to publish it.
Her temperature still wasn't coming down. She was sick in the night. Her temperature was 42°. She was screaming with stomach pains. I took her to the GP surgery for an emergency appointment. The doctor sent us straight to the children's hospital.
We waited. We eventually saw a doctor.....she was ok.
They prescribed medication. We went home. She wouldn't take the medication. She screamed some more. She fell asleep. She agreed to take the medicine.
I took a long, slow breath.
That last week simultaneously felt like it was careening along at a million miles an hour and like it lasted forever. There was so much happening, in so many different realms of my life, that at times I felt like the ground was slipping out from under me.
But thinking back on the slow passage of time that had come just before, helped me remember that time itself doesn’t change. It's only our experience that changes, as more or less stuff moves in to fill up those chunks of time.
And in fact it's those changes of pace that remind us that we are, still, alive.
WORK WINS THIS MONTH
In the midst of the madness, April was a month of projects reaching fruition. In fact, if I look back at my work wins for March, every one of them involved preparing for something that then happened in April. Realising this was very satisfying - especially since I have a definite propensity towards being what
dubs an 'insecure overachiever" and hence in an ongoing battle with 'productivity guilt'.One of his prescriptions to guard against this tendency is a 'done list', which I guess is what this regular Work Wins section is. I can definitely recommend taking some time to note down and congratulate yourself on your own work achievements.
Here's what I'm patting myself on the back for this month.
1. ‘Living Through the End' online discussion event, with DePaul Humanities Center in Chicago
I first spoke to Professor Yuki Miyamoto about the seeds of this event way back in October as I was preparing my piece marking the 40th anniversary of Threads. Through her encouragement and introduction to colleagues at DePaul, we were able to expand my original idea into something even bigger and better. And finally, the big day itself arrived on 22nd April.
It was a pleasure to introduce and moderate what ended up being a stimulating - and worryingly timely - discussion of Threads and two other 1980s on-screen depictions of nuclear apocalypse, Testament and The Day After. You can catch a full replay of the event here.
2. Booked another screening of The Atom: A Love Affair
Back in 2022, I screened the film at Zero Carbon Guildford, a fantastic community project in a town about 30 miles outside London. So I was delighted when someone who attended that screening got in touch to request another screening, this time at the cinema club at his local church. This kind of word of mouth validation means such a lot to me and 5 years on from its first release, it's incredibly gratifying that the film is still finding new audiences.
If you're interested in a screening at your community group, business, school or elsewhere, there's an enquiry form on the film's website and I'd love to hear from you!
3. Successfully completed the re-branding of this Substack
This had been in the offing for a while so it really felt like a big moment when I finally unveiled the new name, new logo and new colours for this publication. When the time came I felt unexpectedly nervous - would people like it? - but the feedback has been great so far and it definitely feels more aligned with where I'm at right now and with what I want to do going forward. If you missed the big announcement post, you can read it again here:
4. Preparation for forthcoming launch of my Film Club
With the re-brand complete, I've now started working to get all my ducks in a row for my paid Film Club community, which I’m planning to launch in the summer. I’ve been getting guidance and support in this work as part of my Diamond membership over at
with . If you're thinking of starting writing on this platform too, I can highly recommend checking out Claire's work.Lastly, I re-published my piece on the extraordinary film experience that is Koyaanisqatsi, part of my A-Z of favourite documentary films and joined my podcasting pal
over at again, discussing Joan Crawford's mesmerising eyes and killer Charleston moves in Our Dancing Daughters. You can check both of those out here:
So that was April. I’m glad to say May has been a little less frazzling so far (though as I write this, I’ve got a poorly boy next to me - childhood illness really is no fun😧).
I’ve got some exciting collaborations coming soon and there’ll be more atomic and documentary stuff too. And before then, keep an eye out for my next Round-up Meander, chock full of my recommendations for things to read, watch and listen to.
And before I go, let me know, are you an ‘insecure overachiever’ too?!
Comments always happily received. And hitting the ❤️ if you like this costs nothing, but means so much (and helps other people find this)!
Sending sunshine and good things your way.
Vicki xx
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A possibly niche reference to the beloved 1970s BBC children's TV show about a bowler-hatted man who visits a mysterious costume shop, from whose magical changing room he embarks on marvellous adventures in a world matching the costume he has donned.
Well done for making it through April! Let's hope May continues to be a little more chilled 😀
Loved your insight that time doesn’t change, only our experience of it. So relatable and informative as ever.